Do you ever feel disconnected from yourself? Do you ever feel that you are the reason for all the mishaps? Do you ever feel every thing around you is just so unfair to you? Do you get sucked by the whirlpool of negativity? Have you ever been stuck in the same mindset how hard to try to leave? Have you ever felt your life is controlled br someone else’s decisions? Do you want to disappear until everything is right?
Me? Yeah, I feel it quite often. Now it’s the time that if none poke a nose in my decision making I feel empty. Disgusting…. I feel disgusting when I can’t really make my own decisions. Parents, relatives, teachers, friends, sometimes neighbours, and society makes decisions. Where the hell is this freaking society when we need something expect from comments?
At first, listen to your parents as you are new here to this word. The comes teachers and friends and then relatives. At the time you start understanding something the creepy society steps in. They completely rule our life. The decisions from what to wear, how to walk, how to behave, with whom to go with, what kinds of friends to make, where to roam, which school to choose, how parents bring up, everything….. That is scary. Damm scary!!
What will they say? How will they react? Who are they? We all don’t know. Assume you just got out of that quicksand, then comes the hurricane of parents. Yeah, they are always there for you. That’s the problem. They are there always. They are there to taunt, love, scare, console, teach, fight, schold, pacify… Everything. They are literally there for everything.
You may have encountered that weird feeling where you want to tell your parents something but can’t really do tell. You feel they may fell dejected, broke. Sometimes you know they will fire back. BOOM!!! Headshot. In all these feelings you let chaos run your life. It’s like you have your heart beat, your mind but the thoughts and feelings are extremely parasitic. They are installed as soon as you grow up and are updated now and then. You know the best part, the rules are mended as per their convience. We can’t do anything….. It really sucks……
Maybe our parents are not going at decision making, but their intentions towards us are always good– Unknown author
Life is not as you think, it’s sometimes so easy and sometimes extremely difficult. It may be possible to cool down the Sun but to expect Life to be completely fair, it’s absurd. We all that feeling. You may say everything is cool with you, you have parents who are actually your friends and they understand everything. But there are kids out there who want their parents to be their friends but parents, they stay in the superstition that if they become friends with kids they might lose them or their position. Little do they know what their kids want. Listening to this may have given suggestion that speak to them. Don’t you know how hard it is? It’s a lot more difficult than breaking up with the person you truly love. Sometimes they say we can do anything we want but end up making final decisions for us. I am not telling it’s bad, but they atleast have to tell us the decision is made. It’s only after implementation we get to know. There are few of us whose decisions will matter to their parents. Like I mentioned few.
It’s just that I don’t know what to think. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know anything. That’s actually accurate. I feel there are kids out there in the real world who can’t even tell their parents how much they love them. They can’t tell them how they feel. They just nod their heads to every decision, or rebel at first, but atlast end up agreeing. Then the time comes, when you get hurt while telling them your pain. Seeing them in pain makes you filled with self-guilt.
You know these are just thoughts and are not meant to hurt any sentiments. These are true sentiments. These are issues whose solutions are unknown to me. I am still trying to find answers, actually permanent solutions to these fluctuating feelings. There comes a time where pain starts feeling nice.
I am in a chaotic phase. So I am going to take a leave for now. Just cling on to the hope that time heals everything. It’s okay to be tired when you are strong. Complete life is not a bad book. It’s just that you are presently reading a bad chapter.