“I never wanted to end it… matter of fact I only wanted to cause a little pain…so…that…so …that he can see my value as a friend, and adore me as a friend.” Martha a Latino American, 25years old murder convict who was arrested the previous evening on account of home invasion and homicide murder of her own friend. The victim is Daniel a Caucasian, 26 years old. Their friendship started since the time they were in high school, it’s a 9 years long friendship with no hard feelings or grudges or any serious fights between them. Well their common friends said so. The murder scene was described as petrified, blood splattered over the walls, fingers were torn apart of the victim and there were multiple slashes on the body with all the internal organs nearly misplaced out of how the human anatomy is made. The place looked literally as a set from the movie Hostel. Replaced with real blood, gruesome environment and real dead body. Martha was found in the victim’s bath tub filled with blood. Police definitely knew that their work is done as the case is closed on the spot with the convict Infront of them. Now the work of a criminal psychiatrist was the last remaining before Martha was sent to prison for a long time.
“Hello! Martha, my name is Nicholas I am a psychiatrist and I want to ask some questions to you. If that’s fine by you?”
“Okay, so to begin with how did you want this evening to be?” she looked up with confusion.
“I mean given the situation in what we are now…how did you want this evening to be eliminating the fat that you are caught for the murder of your friend.” It took some time for her to answer, maybe she was overwhelmed with whatever happened. Many convicts don’t have the motive to kill in the first place, it’s some kind of external stimuli which makes them do what they do and in most cases the stimuli are the victim actions or words.
“The sky was ablaze with the fire of the setting sun. Daniel and I are sitting on our favourite spot, it’s an open ground covered with trees. We are alone after a long-tired day and are just watching the sun setting calling it end of the daytime.” There was a smile when she mentioned that they were alone at that place.
“Say Martha was it just the friendship between you two or was there something more to it.” Upon this her eyes were filled were tears.
“We were inseparable. Since the day we met we clicked there was something familiar about him always whenever he was around it felt there was nothing more which I can ask from life. I have hard time making friends and having someone who has stayed so long time with me just felt like god has finally shown kindness to my life”.
“How was your childhood Martha, specifically relationship with your family and childhood friends?”
“I grew up in the outskirts of States. My dad was an obnoxious person, he always thought that the world is a bad place and he was the only right and just person. My mom had died giving birth to me and the sense of pain and guilt never left me whenever my eyes met with my father’s.” She starts sobbing.
After clearing her throat, she continues “When I was in junior high school there was a guy in my class who was a jock and girls usually at that age have die hard crushes for the jocks. I was no different, school was the only place where I felt free. There was no guilt crawling over and suffocating me, no constant nags of my dad as to how never trust people, nor the monotonous silent life in home. There was no agony.”
Nicholas was taking notes and now there was clarity as how was Martha before meeting Daniel.
“I was invited to a party and as usual my dad was adamant that I shouldn’t go as people are all scavengers and are waiting to tear my life into shreds. How he can clearly see the intentions of the people and I was naïve. I was tired of listening to his rants and all his righteous, I was able to feel the youngblood inside me boil and I rampaged outside the house without any second thoughts. Who would have thought it would result in such a vicious outcome.” She took a sip of her coffee which had been Infront of her before the arrival of Nicholas.
“I vividly remember someone holding me close and trying to press his face on mine, that day was the first time I tried alcohol and to make matters worse I realized I had consumed way much than my body could take. Last thing I remember was adjusting my jacket pushing someone away and running out of the place. I don’t remember how I reached my home and when I hit my head on the pillow”
Another sip from her cup “The next morning I woke up and it was already noon, the sun was too hard to look at and my head was constantly like a jackhammer pounding with every blood cell flowing. I took a bath changed and went down unaware of whatever happened yesterday will come again and knock the life out of me. I saw my dad sitting on the coffee table something unusual instead of newspaper in hand it was his phone he was constantly swiping the screen. As I came near him to take a peek, my whole world stopped it felt like someone has put a sharp pin and is pricking my body slowly picking up the pace and now with every pulse of my heart I can feel the pins on every inch of my body.” A police officer came in the room and asked Nicholas to come out for a minute. As Nicholas stepped, he saw that the weather was cloudy and it might rain anytime. He pondered how his evening would have been if Martha’s case would not have come up. He could see himself sipping green tea near the window pane which is covered with dew due to the rain and he would be reading the last chapter of The kite runner with Spiro, his dog beside him.
“You just have half an hour more.”
“Will do sir.”
“Don’t you get bored listening to maniac’s stories?”
“Well sir I signed up for it the day I started my practice.”
“Hmm…someday share one of your interesting case stories.”
“Sure sir.” I came back in to the interrogation room. Till now it all felt like she had a strict father who never let her enjoy her youth or childhood.
“Sorry, please continue.”
“All the feeling of dilemma and revelation was blown off by a slap on my right cheek. I don’t know was the slap too hard or the realization that this is the truth, this is the present and it is happening. Photos of me kissing multiple guys and doing all sort of things which would make my dad lose his mind were present on his phone screen. Soon later that week we left the place and we came to the city.” Coughs.
“On the way he said, that he was glad that my mother wasn’t alive to see this day. He was sad that a noble soul had to leave his side for the sake of my life. That day I realized why all these restrictions and all these teachings, he wanted to carve out my mother out of my presence. The lady whom I have taken away from his life he wanted her back.” She looks down at her palms in which yesterday she held a cleaver and went on rampaging.
“My father never liked me much neither cared if I was happy, fair enough I took the life of the only woman whom he ever loved. Now I even made him feel that there’s nothing good to me as a person.” Nicholas looks toward the clock, Martha understands that she doesn’t have much time now.
“Fast forward to 3 years after that and everything had settled down between me and my father. Same old silent meals, I will be in my room minding my own work and he would be downstairs watching T.V or out for work. I was docile and always school to home a strict rule on myself, no parties, no dating, nothing. But then the one thing which I feared the most happened, my dad dies in car accident. I didn’t like him much or had any good father-daughter relation with him but he was the only person I knew in this new place. Now he was gone.”
“I am sorry”
“Its fine, his going didn’t affect me much but the fact that now I don’t have anyone scared me a lot”
“So, after 8 months of my father’s death, Daniel entered my life. Like a Spring sun after a harsh winter, he entered my life. Everything felt like a dream. We started talking and slowly I forgot that I was alone. He was always my side and helped me with in every aspect. Assignments, part time work, sometimes covering expenses, he was like a salvation to my barren dead life.”
“Were you in love?”
“Love, I never knew it’s meaning. People say your parents upbring decide how you perceive love, for me it was always emptiness and silence.”
“So, what went wrong?”
“We were together after our school ended and got jobs in the same locality and had our houses nearby. If love is something which can make you feel happy, just a rush of flood which can take away all the pain and solitude and bring hope in your life feeling yes, it’s worth waking up tomorrow. Then yes, I was in love with him.” She looked straight in my eyes while saying the last line. You can feel the truth trying to pounce out from her eyes and consume everything that’s now waiting for her.
“Nicholas, I know he felt the same about me, countless nights we have spent together on his bed laying and me saying how he was a prince in my life not the fairy tale one but the one who will fight away all the battles in your life.”
“Were you two committed?”
“According to him if we label something then it is bound to get broken so therefore, we never officially said that we are together.”
“Few days back I wanted to surprise him, I wanted to ask him if he wanted to spend the life with me and do all those things which people do by taking vows. I never believed in the happy endings or soul mates getting together and living forever, but people change, their perspectives change and I was a human being in the end.” Takes the last gulp of the coffee.
“Daniel’s house is in the middle of a pond, its his aunt’s vacation house and there is only one way to reach it i.e a small wooden bridge and the whole place is covered with canopy trees. So, I sneak in through the forest and hop in through the window of his home to surprise him, I had bought a ring to ask him for marriage. As I was tip-toeing to his room, I heard someone’s voice coming from the room close to the door. I ran to the kitchen and hid myself behind the counter. The voices were prominent now. It was a girl’s voice and Daniel’s. I was way too happy to think about anything or suspect. But later their words just made me numb.” She started shivering.
“Hey are you alright?”
“Yes I…I can manage. They were talking about how beautiful their relationship was going and they wanted to take it to the next step. The girl asked Daniel what about his childhood friend, he said that it doesn’t matter much and its his life he can take his own decisions. They both kissed and the girl left the place. As Daniel closed the door with that thud there was a burst of questions in my head who is she? How come I never know about her? What do they mean by taking to next step? All of these questions came to a halt when I heard Daniel entering the Kitchen. I had lost all my senses I just stood up turned towards the basin and tossed the ring in the garbage disposal.” Martha covered her head now and her face turned red. She was squeezing her face so hard, Nicholas had to keep a hand on her face and pull her hands back freeing her face.
“I chocked when I saw Daniel infront me, he was equally surprised and started asking how I came when? When …. everything was slowly fading away the room, Daniel, my senses everything was fading away. Daniel came and grabbed my hand and I looked at him he said that I should leave. I just managed to say what was I not able to do for you?” Martha started breathing hard now as if she was going to throw something heavy out of her throat.
“He said that I was just a casual friend to him and he never had anything serious in his mind related to us. I lost my control I started shouting what did those countless nights meant? We were together for this long and how come all this be casual to him? Since when did he become such a different person? He kept quiet the whole time and I finally stopped my questions and started crying, he took a step towards me and said, didn’t you want this? I was confused to my core as to what was he refereeing about. Then he said that how I had lost my father and he came to rescue me from my boredom and gave all the happiness because that’s what I wanted and he did this as favor on my miserable life. I meant nothing to him, he just did this because he felt I just wanted some fun and had nobody to look after me so he took me in and gave all this caring cause I was desperate for it. Now as I know that there is some other girl whom he wants to marry, and as a return for all these years I should leave him and mind my own business. The moment he said about marriage and living together and me leaving them, something inside me snapped. Then I find myself in his washroom in the tub and it is filled with blood.” Martha takes a deep breath and continues.
“The scene which I see when I am taken out of the tub startles me and everything comes back to my mind in fragments how I had taken the knife and had stabbed Daniel to death. I had no remorse or guilt when I killed him, even now when I narrate this story to you, I feel he deserved it.”
“Is there anything more Nicholas?” when she called the name it pulled me out of the oblivion of how her story ended.
“huh no I … you confessed about killing to the police, right?”
“you know what is going to happen with you?”
“Doesn’t matter anymore one person never felt that I am a daughter to him and another person thought that the loneliness of my life could be filled by lies. I have no where to return to. Neither I am afraid of anything.”
“Very well then, Take care Martha.”
“I feel good.”
“I won’t be a burden to anyone now, I have no purpose to live and now I will get sentenced to death.” Nicholas felt very bad for her as to how things have turned out for her and how impartial life can be to some people.
As he came out, the officer who had been waiting to hear a story chimes in and asks “So was her story Interesting?”
“Well it was but I cannot narrate you.”
“Because unprecedented way is feared by conventional people.”
The world is not wrong neither is it right. Bringing back suppressed memories can be a jinx. Its sometimes how people make others feel that relates to an uncanny outcome. Surprisingly we are gifted with higher consciousness and this superiority can sometimes be a poison to a human brain.